The 40 over 40 project was a perfect opportunity to look at myself and where I am heading. I’ve been feeling like I work in an industry which isn’t me and I’ve been searching for who that is.
When I was eight years old, I moved to Kenya with my parents. As a young English girl, used to grey skies and rain, I will never forget the car trip from the airport to my new home. The window was wide open, the warm air blew on my face and a long, continuous hedge of crimson bougainvillea whizzed by. It captured my imagination and those images have kept appearing in my fiction writing ever since. Living in Africa, immersing myself in its culture and beauty has shaped who I am. It is only now that I truly realise the depth of this.
As a teen I was sent to a boarding school, in the cold moors of Wuthering Heights (Cumbria), England. Just as Charlotte Bronte did, I used my imagination to escape the dreary walls and the feelings of abandonment. I drank in the wild scenery, the galloping horses; I learned to resent the regimented lifestyle and the lack of time to escape to my own universe and dream.
Fast forward to my later teens and I found myself in another new place – Australia – with my parents and a newborn child. I navigated life as a single mum, went to uni, got a job but I was always searching … for that purpose buried deep inside.
Fast forward some more and I am proud mum to 3 beautiful girls – the 3 butterfly sisters. I could never have imagined what was to come, that I would lose my beautiful eldest daughter to ovarian cancer at the young age of 26. This isn’t something you ever get over, just learn to live with and to put on a brave face and continue to show up in the world. I had to for my two younger girls who needed me.
I am now 57 and I have been pushing myself to confront what I want in life. I am a writer; I have run successful projects and written/published a magazine. I have bought and saved a business but none of it has brought me great joy and perhaps it is impossible after such a great tragedy but … I think of my beautiful daughter and the life she didn’t get to live and I know that I want to find that joy for her and for me. I need to make the changes I want to make. It is so easy to stay in what’s easy, what’s every day but I know that I am capable of so much more and I need to do this.
I have taken the first steps. I confronted the daunting task of setting up my business to run without me – from fully turning over my studio hats to a wonderful, reliable lady, who I trust, to turning over the picking, packing and sending of makeup sold at my online store. It was a lot of work but it was worth it. It liberated me to travel back to my homes and show my family where I grew up whilst re-connecting with my past and exploring my future. I realised, when I landed back in Kenya, the spiritual connection I made as a child had been gently tugging me, my entire life and I was back home. As if by magic, a long ago decision to help the Kenyan people began to materialise. I was put in contact with a humanitarian and suddenly my own purposes began to materialise. Now my imagination has taken hold and plans are afoot to not only help but to step into my shoes, for real, as a writer.
Thank you Sharon. It was like our photo shoot evolved with me as I tried to figure out who I am in your studio! It really helped and I am so happy with the product.
